We need lots more information here to give a useful reply:
What did you do to lower the car: (Springs\coilovers, what kind, what drop, what rate)
Did you replace the struts?
What wheel size/offset, tire size
Do you have some kind of camber correction devices?
How was the car set up before you lowered it?
I know you mentioned that you have friends that have the wheels tucked under the fenders with DSMs, but are they AWD like yours? Do they run the same size rims/tires as you? Do they use the same springs/struts/camber correction, etc? Do you see where I'm going here?
From most of the regulars on this board, you'll get the same message - lowering a DSM too much causes a multitude of problems.
A. DSMs as a whole don't have a lot of suspension travel to play with from the beginning.
B. Lowering a car puts additional stress on suspension components (struts/shocks specifically) and driveline components. You will kill OEM struts with even a mild drop. With more aggressive drops, you are absolutely going to bind the drive train components - the axles just aren't made to constantly be at the angles you get with a big drop. You will have driveline bind and you will break stuff.
It sounds like you have a combination of driveline bind and worn out struts. That's a really bad combination. It makes driving the car unpleasant, and you will break stuff soon.
